On instant gratification and long term goals

Cross-posted to Isis Wardrobe

 

 

The Reader by Jean-Honore Fragonard, 1771

All in all I am in a very good place right now. Relationship, family, living, work, economy, health, they all work and I’m very happy about it. But there are a few kinks that I’m working on and one is the kick of instant gratification. You get it when you blog- I love getting comments on what I write and it is great for the Ego when I have made something and it gets admired. Instant gratification is around when I shop all those nice things that I don’t really need, and I don’t go over my limit, so why worry. For example- I generally feel that I’m allowing myself the easy way out on several aspects of my life right now and I would like that to change, to give myself what I really want, even if it takes a bit longer and doesn’t get as much attention.

I want to travel more than I have. I want to go back to Rome, Paris, London and Edinburgh. I want to see new places like Prague and Venice, for example. And I know that a bit of not spending so much of what I don’t really need would go a long way toward that. As for now, J and I have decided to let September be a non-spending month, apart from bills and groceries. I think it will be easier if we do it together and can cheer each other.

As for blogging, well, the instant gratifications are only part of it and not even the biggest part either. Another reason is because I’m a compulsive writer. I wasn’t always, but ten years ago I saw a picture online that triggered something and I started to write and since then I haven’t stopped. I write stories and I blog because I love to write. It isn’t always easy, but if I don’t write I feel a bit odd. I certainly don’t want to bash blogging, I love it, but I have, for quite some time, felt the need to write something with a little more weight, something lasting. I have wanted to write a book.

And for the same amount of time I have struggled with little demons that tells me that I don’t write well enough, that it won’t be interesting enough and that no one will want to print it, but in the end, what I really feel, is that it doesn’t matter if I’m not good enough for other, because I need to write this for me. Even if no one else reads it, I want this for myself. I have already blown the whistle at Madame Isis Toilette, so some of you already now that I have swatted away my demons and have started writing a book on 18^th century beauty and makeup. I have a lot of fun right now, researching, trying out recipes and writing. I want o write a book with accurate history, doable beauty recipes and makeup tutorials and I know that is an interesting enough subject and I will do my best to make it good enough for others to read as well.

But this also means less blogging. I’m not going it up, because I still sew and it isn’t a chore at all to blog about sewing, but other kinds of posts will have to stand back for book writing. Less instant Ego stroking for me, but I think the more long term reward will make up for it.